Action: Hector stands, shaken and exhausted, in front of a blood red NYC sky. He talks into a mobile phone.
Mike, I need someone to talk to! The World Trade Center was attacked! My daughter was killed in th-
Action: We see Mike, in his garishly wallpapered home, talking to Hector on his phone.
Yeah yeah yeah - hey Hector, guess what? I got a job!
(over the phone) Wha - What? Are you serious?
Yeah bro, I'm totally serious! And get this - I'm a professor! I got a job teaching the adult education courses at the local Community College! I'll mail you the course catalog - it's the tits!
Narration: We see a page from the course catalog. It reads:
Getting Ready for the Big Game
Go Gators! Learn how to support your favorite team in style. You will create Orange face paint from the oxygenated blood of feral cats and Blue paint from the deoxygenated. Create a delightful football shaped nachos snack bowl from the glabrous skulls of animals in your own backyard! In this course you will learn to take nature and use it for a higher purpose: the big game! Mike Arctodus is a veteran tailgater and has won the Bledsoe Spirit Award twelve times.
$51 Non Member $42 Member
$15 materials fee payable in class
NEW! Meat Sculpture
Experience the thrill of shaping your own sculptures out of processed meat products and modeling wire. You don't have to be Michelangelo to create fun art from easy, inexpensive materials. You will learn to glaze your creations with egg whites and even rabbit offal. Mike Arctodus has been teaching meat art for 7 years at his private ranch in Micanopy.
$58 Non-member $49 Member
$25 materials fee payable in class
Narration: Course catalog continued:
Register today! See form on page 47
Discover the joy of knitting beautiful homemade mittens. Are we talking about mittens for kittens or mittens made from kittens? The answer is both! If you love cats you know how much they love wearing things on their paws. And what could feel better than the soft knit made from the freshly harvested, woven hair and gut fibers of their feline bretheren? Mike Arctodus, of the Knitting Knuts collective, will teach you how to cast on, knit, purl, and bind off like a pro.
$61 Non Member $50 Member
$14 materials fee payable in class